Perhaps you’re still thinking about a relationship that ended, a friendship that broke down or something that happened years ago that continues to affect you.

You might find yourself replaying conversations, wondering what you could have done differently or waiting for an explanation that never seems to come.

You know you can’t change what’s happened, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to move forward.

In my previous article, What Does Closure Really Mean?, we explored why we seek closure and whether it’s something we actually need.

But understanding closure and knowing how to find it are two different things.

So how do we begin working through experiences that still feel unfinished?

There’s no single answer, and what helps one person may not help another. However, there are ways we can begin exploring our feelings, making sense of our experiences and finding our own way forward.

1. Understand what you’re looking for

Before thinking about how to find closure, it can help to understand what closure would actually mean to you.

We sometimes say we’re looking for closure without really knowing what we’re hoping to achieve.

Perhaps you want an apology from someone who hurt you.

Maybe you want to understand why a relationship ended, or you’re struggling with something you wish you’d said or done differently.

You might even discover that what you’re really hoping for is another chance to change the outcome.

Take a little time to consider these questions:

• What is it about this experience that still troubles me?
• What am I hoping will happen?
• What do I believe would help me feel differently?
• Is what I’m hoping for within my control?

There’s no need to rush your answers.

You might discover that what you’re looking for isn’t necessarily an explanation, but acknowledgement, reassurance, understanding or an opportunity to express your feelings.

Recognising what you need can be the first step towards understanding how you might find it.

2. Give yourself space to explore your feelings

When we’ve experienced something painful, we sometimes become so focused on understanding what happened that we overlook how it made us feel.

We might spend hours questioning somebody else’s behaviour without considering the emotional impact it had on us.

Perhaps you felt rejected, betrayed, disappointed or powerless.

Maybe you’re angry about how you were treated, or you feel guilty about something you wish you’d done differently.

There might even be several conflicting feelings.

For example, you can miss someone while also feeling relieved that a relationship has ended.

You can know you’ve made the right decision and still feel sad about it.

Try asking yourself:

“When I think about what happened, what feelings come up for me?”

Rather than immediately analysing or trying to change those feelings, see whether you can simply acknowledge them.

You might find writing them down helpful, particularly if you find it difficult to identify what you’re experiencing.

And remember, recognising a feeling doesn’t mean you have to act on it.

You can acknowledge anger without confronting somebody. You can recognise sadness without allowing it to stop you enjoying other parts of your life.

Sometimes understanding our emotional response helps us begin making sense of why an experience has affected us so deeply.

3. Separate what you know from what you don’t

One of the difficulties with unresolved experiences is that our minds often try to fill in the missing information.

When we don’t understand why something happened, we may find ourselves making assumptions, imagining different explanations or questioning ourselves.

Sometimes those assumptions can become more painful than the things we actually know.

Here’s a simple exercise you might find useful.

Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns.

What I know

Write down the things you know to be true about the situation.

These might include what happened, what was said, how you felt and the impact it had on your life.

What I don’t know

Write down the questions you still have or the things you’ve been trying to understand.

For example:

Now look at your two lists.

Are there things you’re treating as facts that are actually assumptions?

Are there questions you may never be able to answer?

And importantly, what can you understand about your experience without needing those missing answers?

This isn’t about dismissing your questions or convincing yourself they don’t matter.

It’s about recognising the difference between what you know and what you’re still trying to make sense of.

You may find that you already understand more about your experience than you initially realised.

4. Express what was left unsaid

Sometimes what keeps an experience feeling unfinished is the sense that we never had an opportunity to express ourselves.

Perhaps there are things you wish you’d said.

Maybe you wanted somebody to understand how much they hurt you, or you never felt able to explain your side of what happened.

An unsent letter can be a useful way of exploring these feelings.

Try writing a letter you’ll never send

Find somewhere comfortable where you can spend a little time writing without interruption.

Imagine you’re writing directly to the person involved.

You might begin with:

• What I wish you understood is…
• Something I’ve never told you is…
• The way this affected me was…
• What I needed from you was…
• What I wish had happened differently is…

Allow yourself to write whatever comes to mind.

You don’t need to worry about spelling, grammar or whether the other person would agree with what you’re saying.

And you don’t need to make the letter polite or forgiving.

The purpose isn’t to create something for somebody else to read.

It’s to give yourself an opportunity to express feelings and thoughts that may have remained unspoken.

When you’ve finished, take a little time before deciding what to do with it.

You might choose to keep it, return to it another day or dispose of it.

There’s no right or wrong way to complete the exercise.

If writing brings up more emotion than feels manageable, it’s fine to stop and return to it another time, or explore those feelings with support.

5. Consider what acceptance means to you

Acceptance is often misunderstood.

It can sound as though we’re being asked to agree with what happened, excuse somebody’s behaviour or simply stop being upset.

But accepting that something happened doesn’t mean believing it was right.

It means acknowledging the reality of the experience, including the things we cannot change.

Perhaps you never received the apology you deserved.

Maybe somebody behaved in a way you still believe was unfair.

Or perhaps a situation ended despite everything you did to try to prevent it.

You don’t have to change your opinion of what happened to recognise that it cannot be undone.

And you don’t have to forgive somebody in order to move forward.

For some people, forgiveness becomes an important part of finding peace with an experience. For others, it doesn’t feel necessary or appropriate.

The same is true of reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship may be something you want, but it requires willingness from both people and a relationship in which rebuilding trust is possible and safe.

You can find your own way forward without forgiving somebody or allowing them back into your life.

Acceptance may simply begin with recognising what you can no longer change and considering what choices remain available to you.

6. Create a personal ritual to mark an ending

Sometimes we need more than reflection or understanding.

We might feel that we want to do something to acknowledge what’s happened.

Personal rituals can offer a meaningful way of recognising loss, expressing feelings or marking a transition in our lives.

A ritual doesn’t have to involve religious or spiritual beliefs. It can be something simple that has personal meaning to you.

For example, you might:

• Light a candle and spend a few quiet moments reflecting on what you’ve experienced.
• Visit somewhere meaningful, perhaps a place that reminds you of a person, relationship or particular time in your life.
• Write down something you’d like to release, then safely tear up the paper as a symbolic gesture.
• Plant something, representing change, growth or a new beginning.
• Create a memory box containing things you’d like to keep, without having to look at them every day.

The important thing is choosing something that feels meaningful to you.

For some people, that might involve saying goodbye.

For others, particularly following bereavement, it might be about maintaining a connection with somebody they’ve lost while learning to live with their absence.

A ritual won’t necessarily take away painful feelings or provide an immediate sense of closure.

But it may offer an opportunity to acknowledge what the experience has meant to you and recognise that life is changing.

7. Begin focusing on what you need now

When we’re caught up in something unresolved, it’s easy to spend a lot of our emotional energy looking backwards.

We might find ourselves repeatedly wondering why things happened, what we could have changed or what somebody else should have done.

Those questions can be understandable, but they don’t always help us decide what happens next.

At some point, it may be useful to begin asking a different question.

“What do I need in my life now?”

Perhaps you need more stability, connection or independence.

Maybe you’d like to rebuild your confidence, reconnect with interests you’ve neglected or create healthier relationships.

You might recognise that you need stronger boundaries, or that there are situations you no longer want to find yourself in.

Try thinking about one small change you could make that would support you in the present.

It doesn’t need to be a dramatic decision.

It might be making time for something you enjoy, reaching out to someone supportive or taking a step towards a goal you’ve been putting aside.

This isn’t about distracting yourself from your feelings or pretending the past doesn’t matter.

It’s about recognising that your life can continue developing, even while you’re still making sense of what happened.

What if you still can’t find closure?

You might try some of these suggestions and still feel that something remains unresolved.

Perhaps you continue to feel angry, you still have unanswered questions or you find yourself returning to memories you thought you’d come to terms with.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you haven’t made progress.

Some experiences take longer to process than others, particularly when they involve significant loss, betrayal or trauma.

And sometimes the idea that we should find closure creates another expectation we feel unable to meet.

You don’t have to reach a point where everything makes sense.

You don’t have to forgive somebody.

You don’t even have to stop feeling hurt about what happened.

It’s possible to continue building a meaningful and fulfilling life while still carrying feelings about experiences from your past.

If those feelings are becoming overwhelming or significantly affecting your daily life, counselling can offer a supportive space to explore them at your own pace.

A final thought

Finding closure isn’t always about getting answers, having one final conversation or reaching a moment when everything suddenly feels resolved.

Sometimes it involves understanding our feelings a little better.

Sometimes it’s recognising that we’re waiting for something another person may never be willing or able to give us.

And sometimes it’s about discovering what we need now, rather than continuing to focus entirely on what happened then.

There’s no set timescale, and there’s no single way of finding closure that works for everyone.

You may still have unanswered questions. You may still experience sadness, anger or disappointment. And you may never feel that everything has been completely resolved.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward.

You don’t have to change the past to begin creating a different future.

If you’d like to explore why we seek closure in the first place, read my companion article, What Does Closure Really Mean?

The post How to Find Closure and Move Forward appeared first on Friendly Therapist | Guiding Your Self-Help Journey.

But you might be wondering: Is telehealth right for me? Or should I stick with in-person therapy?

Here’s a guide to help you figure out what works best for your lifestyle, comfort level, and personal preferences.

What Is Telehealth Therapy?

Telehealth therapy (also called telephone counselling) is simply counselling done over the phone. You and your therapist meet at the same time you normally would—just from different locations.

Many clients love it because it allows them to access care without having to leave home or take extra time off work.

Pros of Telehealth Therapy

1. Convenience
No commute. No waiting rooms. Just answer the phone and go.
Perfect if you’re juggling a busy schedule, parenting duties, or work meetings.

2. Comfort
Some people feel more relaxed opening up from the comfort of their home.
You can wear cozy clothes, light a candle, or bring your dog—whatever helps you feel at ease.

3. Access
If you live in a rural area or have transportation limitations, telehealth can make therapy more accessible.

4. Continuity
Feeling a little under the weather? Travelling? Stuck at home during a snowstorm? You don’t have to miss your session.

When In-Person Might Be a Better Fit

1. You feel more connected in person
Some people just like being in the same room as their therapist. That’s valid! If the physical presence feels grounding, in-person might be the better choice.

2. You want fewer distractions
If you’re easily distracted at home—or if your space doesn’t feel private—coming into an office can create a clearer boundary for you to focus.

3. You’re dealing with tech issues
If internet problems or phone signal stress you out more than they help, in-person sessions may feel more seamless.

4. You’re working through something that feels really intense
While telehealth is effective for most concerns, some people feel more supported and contained when they’re physically with their therapist for deep or emotionally heavy work.

Still Not Sure? Try Both.

You don’t have to commit to one forever. Some clients do a mix of both, depending on the week. Others start with telehealth and switch to in-person later—or vice versa.

The best part? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. You get to choose what feels right for you.

Ready to Start?

If you’re thinking about beginning therapy—or wondering whether to switch formats—let’s talk about it. I offer both in-person and telehealth sessions and am happy to help you figure out what fits your needs best.

Contact me here

Remember: Whether we’re sitting across from each other or connecting through a phone, the goal is the same—support, healing, and growth. You’re not alone on the journey.

The post Therapy via Telehealth: Is It Right for You? appeared first on Friendly Therapist | Guiding Your Self-Help Journey.

First things first, you’ll want to schedule your appointment. This can be done by email, message or over the phone. Once you have your appointment set, it’s important to find a quiet and private space where you can talk openly and comfortably without any distractions.

When the time comes for your appointment, I will call you at the designated time. Make sure you have a reliable phone connection and that you’re in a comfortable position to talk. I will greet you and ask how you’re doing before diving into the session.

During the session, I will ask you questions to get to know you better and understand what you’re going through. I may also provide insights, tools, and strategies to help you navigate your thoughts and emotions. Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, so feel free to ask questions, share your concerns, and be open to feedback.

As the session comes to a close, I will summarise the key points discussed and check in with how you are feeling as the session comes to an end. I don’t provide any homework or tasks to do between sessions but I may suggest meditation techniques, or text/email information to you about things we have discussed if you feel it would be helpful.

After the call ends, take some time to reflect on the session and how you’re feeling. It’s normal to have mixed emotions after therapy, so be gentle with yourself and practice self-care. Remember, therapy is a journey, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.

Overall, your telephone therapy appointment should feel like a safe and supportive space where you can explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Trust the process and be open to the healing journey ahead.

The post What to Expect During Your Therapy Appointment  appeared first on Friendly Therapist | Guiding Your Self-Help Journey.

My name is Jo Thomas and I qualified as a counsellor in 2020.

I’m a friendly, supportive person in life and I aim to carry this on through into my counselling work. 

What is Person-Centred Therapy? 
Person-Centred Therapy (PCT) is my chosen approach to counselling, as it helps me to understand how people’s feelings influence themselves and it lets me work with clients in a way that promotes their personal growth.  

This type of counselling is known as a talking therapy, where the client can explore how they perceive themselves rather than the counsellor interpreting what they see.   

How do I work? 
During sessions, I actively listen to my clients and use my skills and learned theory to help them explore their feelings to gain a wider understanding of themselves.  

10 sessions are usually enough to help a client with their issues, however sometimes it can be done in less or more, or can be used for support on a long-term basis. I work with clients by offering as many sessions as they want, usually once a week but I can also work with you fortnightly if required.   

What I do with clients 
I believe that everyone can create positive changes within themselves and that it’s not for me to make suggestions or give advice. Focusing on your experience of your life is the best way for me to help you understand yourself and develop your self-awareness.   

I also believe that my clients should remain in control of their sessions as it is their feelings that I am helping them explore so I always work at their pace. In other words, it’s OK if you don’t want to talk about something.  

Meditation is included in my therapy and it is available for clients if they want it. I’ve had great success in the past with struggling with anxiety and lack of sleep. The meditations are used as tools outside of counselling to make sure we get the most out of each session.  

What is the outcome of therapy? 
Person-Centred Therapy guides individuals toward becoming the best versions of themselves. This process is deeply personal and it looks different for everyone. The true spirit of this lies in personal growth, fulfilment, and being authentic to yourself. It’s about understanding your values, strengths, and passions, and using this self-awareness to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. 

The post How do I work as a Counsellor?  appeared first on Friendly Therapist | Guiding Your Self-Help Journey.